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Monthly Archives: January 2012

On a cold night….

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I don’t know why but every winter, when I lie in my bed….All cosy and tucked under two layers of warm covering…..I visualize myself lying on my bed. Like from above and outside. Like maybe a bedroom roof camera or God looking down upon me. Me – a creature tucked warmly in a cocoon.

And then i think of the open, cold, dark vastness outside. And the chilly winds.

And I suddenly get this strange, nicely guilty sense of being warm, protected and safe. And then from the vastness of the outside, my mind zooms back to me. Lying inside my room, tucked in from everywhere.

It’s a nice feeling. Don’t know why. Just saying…. 
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The choices we make…

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“You didn’t come here to make the choice, you’ve already made it. You’re here to try to understand why you made it. I thought you’d have figured that out by now
– Oracle to Neo in the ‘Matrix Reloaded’

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve known myself to be indecisive. I blame it on Venus and the Libran traits infused so heavily in me. Whether it was deciding if it was the red shoes or the green shoes I liked, whether I wanted the Robocop or the G.I Joe action figure or whether it was choosing to watch Jungle Book dubbed in Arabic or Duck Tales dubbed in Hindi, everything always posed a huge dilemma for me.

And somehow, this trait has continued to haunt me still. When it comes to the great shenanigans of making a decision,I’ve still found myself pondering whether to take the way home by driving overthe flyover or taking a turn before, deciding whether I should have Indian food or a nice burger, whether to hang out in a mall or open green spaces, whether to pick up the phone of a douchebag and be rude or try and be decent.

It got so weird once, that I shuttled back and forth thrice between the counter and the CD rack in a store because I couldn’t decide whether to buy Mortal Kombat or WWE All Stars for my PS3! 😛

Lately, it’s been different.

For the first time in my life, I was confronted with a big decision in life. And I already knew in my heart what I wanted. Even before I could think, ponder, debate, question, it was like the decision had been made.

I’ve decided to start my own venture. And I’m bloody excited about it! I find myself more happy thinking about it, more excited when I’m working on it and it’s already filled me with a new kind of energy and belief I’ve never experienced ever before.

I don’t know whether it’s the right thing or the wrong thing. Whether I will succeed or fail. Whether I’d be better off in a steady, secure job or touch greater heights doing my own thing.

But now these questions don’t even matter. Now I believe in my choices. And I believe I can make the right ones.

Life’s already been different. I’ve found myself giving less stress on making a decision. I’ve just started acting.Doing. And boy it feels good. Anyway, these days work is crazy, days are longer and by the time I’m left with my brain, I’m already ‘poofed’. It’s scary but I think I like it.

I’m 25. It feels I’ve started my life.

Wish me luck!

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